A bike to survive the zombie apocalypses or my 2014 Tour Divide rig



"Why is this thing in the corner that I pee in?"

In the event of a zombie outbreak, those who are smart would find a powerful and durable vehicle and pack it full of loved ones, guns, food, gas, and water.  A tank would be a good bet in a crowded city.  An armored car would be great.  Pretty much anything with wheels would be a high priority.  But, low on that list of vehicles would be a bike.  In fact, it is probably right above roller blades and a skate board.

Nonetheless, as days turn into months after the initial zombie outbreak, when resources are scarce, you may return to your garage and find value in a bike.  The downsides to a bike are obvious; it offers almost no shelter or protection, it runs on your valuable energy, and even in a zombie infestation, there is going to be some idiot who cannot help themselves from stealing bikes.

The upside of a bike is that it is much faster than hoofing it.  It does not run on gas.  And, in a pinch, it can be used as a big club.

"Undead stay back!"

This all brings us to an interesting dilemma when choosing a bike.  Do you go for a faster machine like a road bike?  Do you pick a tricycle for its carrying ability?  A hybrid for its comfort and versatility?  A cyclocross bike for more terrain options?  A mountain bike for its toughness?  A fat tire bike to take on mud, sand, and snow?

Maybe you take your beloved vintage steel Colonago so you can at least go out in style.



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When I decided to buy a bike to race the Tour Divide, I wanted something that would probably also be my zombie apocalypse bike.  I wanted something that was ultra reliable, light, fast, comfortable, and super-belt-and-suspenders reliable . . . reliable.

Frame:  I went with a titanium frame.  It has a reputation for being as comfortable as steel (which I'm a big fan of) but much more durable.  It isn't quiet as light as carbon, but it should last much longer.  The folks at Spokes Etc. (particularly, Jack) in Alexandria, Va., did a great job with the bike build.  Since it was a custom bike, they took my body measurements, measured one of my bikes, and walked me through a worksheet describing everything from what I wanted the bike for, to whether I pedal when I turn.  The frame maker, Seven Cycles, did a phone interview to talk more about me and what I wanted.   Seven drew up a frame plan, and Jack at Spokes Etc. put together a Dr. Frankenstein's monster bike to mimic the geometry that Seven proposed.

I have not raced the Tour Divide yet, nor have I been chased by zombies, but I can attest that this thing is pretty to look at.


Drive train:  I decided that I should minimize the need for a mechanic.  Whether it is because zombies have eaten all the local bike shop guys, or because I'm pedaling through the Great Basin, there will be times more often than not when I cannot simply expect someone to dangle out of a moving car with an allen key to adjust my rear derailleur.  So, I went with a Rohloff hub.  This thing is a beefy (like 3.5 lbs.) rear hub that has a crazy complicated set of planetary gears packed into it.  The gears are all sealed inside bathing in oil.  There are no derailleurs waiting to be snagged by zombie hands or derelict tree limbs.  The grip shift is simple and the indexing is done in the hub, so there is even less to worry about from mother nature.  As an added bonus, if your cables snap, you can shift this thing with an open head 8 mm wrench (a 4 gram tool!) by removing the exterior shift box with your fingers.

Keeping in line with the idea of low maintenance, I elected to go with a Gates Carbon belt to drive the Rohloff hub.  The big upside of this is that it does not require any lubricant.  Which means no weird black smudges all over your leg.  It also means sand and dirt does not build up and virtually  no cleaning is necessary.

The drive train is very reliable, but it comes with some cons too.  It required some add-ons to the frame (sliding Paragon drops, and a spot in the seat stay that could break open to replace the carbon belt).  Also, the weight of the Rohloff is very noticeable when you pick the bike off the ground.  That said, however, I don't notice the weight while I'm riding and the belt is lighter than a regular chain.  I will be carrying a spare belt for when I'm out on longer rides because it is not something most bike shops keep on hand.

Lastly, for the cranks and bottom bracket, I found a good deal on a Shimano XTR triple, so money drove that decision. 

Wheels:  The drive train required a custom wheel build.  As I mentioned before, the Rohloff is a heavy item, so I had Bill (superstar wheel builder) at Spokes Etc. lace it to an Enve carbon XC 29er rim with Sapim spokes.  The front wheel also has a carbon rim, it is an Easton EC90 wheel that I found 50% off.  It seemed like a pretty good deal, so I actually bought it about 2 months before I even started talking about having a frame built.

I stocked up on Schawbe Marathon Extreme tires that I had used in 2012 for the Dirty Kanza, so I had those mounted tubeless to both rims.  For some reason, neither wheel held air.  I even brought in a second, brand new, pair of Marathon Extremes.  So, for the time being, I decided to go with Stan's the Crow (tubeless, of course).  To race the Divide, I plan on running Continental Race King tires.

Brakes:  I've used Avid BB7 disc brakes and have been happy with them.  And, in a zombie throw down, I don't want to worry about bleeding hydraulic fluid, so mechanical brakes were the obvious choice.  The bike shop suggested TRP brake levers, and I have really liked their feel, I think there is a spring return in the lever, which is awesome.

Cockpit & Fork:  Light but not the lightest, simple, and comfortable.  I went with a rigid Niner fork.  My only quasi regret on the whole bike is not opting for a through axle.  I pulled the 3T ARX Team stem off my cross bike to save some money.  And the handlebar is a Jeff Jones titanium H-Loop bar with ESI Chunky grips.  After riding on it (roads mostly) I like it more than drop bars.  I can get nice and aero or super relaxed with the swept bars and the handling has been flawless over ice and snow. 

Lets see, other stuff... I tossed on a K-Edge mount for my Garmin 800.  I went with a Chris King headset.  They have a good reputation, and I hope it is warranted.

Pedals:  Shimano XTR pedals.  I've had weird issues with these over the last few years.  I picked up some titanium spindles from a third party.  And, I managed to mess up one pedal when I repacked everything.  Later, one of the spindles snapped in half as I was standing on a descent to get the cranks spinning fast (in yet another I-can't-believe-I-cheated-a-wipe-out moment, I managed to only put a knee down).

Post & Saddle:  Thomson Masterpiece post with a Selle Italia SLR Superflow saddle.  I had the post on my cross bike, and the saddle was the cheapest thing that I could find that mirrored my other saddle that died recently.  I guess I could upgrade to a titanium post (Seven includes a carbon insert to keep Ti from bonding to Ti in such a situation), but I'm not sure I'll save that much weight and I've been comfortable so far.